solitude

i just lost $10 to a bunch of 50-year-olds. grrr. i also spent god-knows-how-much today in soho...but that was fun. until i was walking down houston back to sonia's apartment and was suddenly hit with the fact that i was walking alone. all by myself. nobody's hand to grab onto, nobody to make conversation with. which doesn't mean that i don't love this self-sufficiency thing that i'm beginning to reclaim. but i forgot how lonely it can be. sometimes you have a great moment and just bask in it - but sometimes you have a great moment that you want to turn around and share, but there's nobody to share it with. which is not to say that i'm spending my time completely isolated by myself, but there's something different about having someone around whose life is entwined with yours, who automatically thinks of you when they want a partner for an experience. i'm having plenty of experiences - i miss my partner.