so, i have concluded that i'm bad at this whole keeping a blog business. however, i will keep trying. in some ways, it's bad for me to be home. i tend to isolate myself out of sheer laziness, and end up bored, unhappy and having alienated all my friends. it's not that i don't want to hang out with people...it's just that it's easier to play computer solitaire than to pick up the phone and make the effort. which is sad and pathetic and really no excuse, i know.
likewise, i have been extremely lazy in the whole job-hunting endeavor. people (adults, mostly) keep telling me, "oh, take some time off, relax, have fun." the problem is, i'm not relaxing and i'm not having fun: i'm sitting on my ass, and i'm bored. i'm scared of becoming too comfortable at peet's and living at home and having no motivation to get a more interesting, fulfilling job. i don't want to be one of these people.
people (again, most of them adults) also seem very eager to reassure me that nobody is pressuring me to figure out what i want to do with my life. this is not true. i am pressuring me to figure out what i want to do, if not with my life, than at least with the next year. not having any sort of plan, goal, hope, or daydream makes me profoundly uncomfortable. for some, what i'm currently doing might be relaxing. for me it's anxiety-inducing.
the really silly thing is, i arrived at the end of college thoroughly and genuinely surprised that i hadn't yet figured out what i wanted to do. i always just assumed that the path would become clear to me, since every previous stage of my life had led naturally to the next. it really didn't occur to me until the about winter quarter this year that maybe the answer wouldn't just drop into my lap, maybe it required some thought and effort. to be perfectly honest, though i've devoted a fair amount of thought to the subject (and 2 blog posts so far), i've put in very little real effort. i meant to make an appointment at the career center, or go see the department counselor, or go to one of those seminars on campus that i kept seeing fliers for, but i never did. i've also been visiting craig's list regularly to check out the postings, but have yet to send in my resume. actually, i've yet to complete my resume.
something inside of me keeps screaming just take the plunge, just do it, do something, do anything, set your life in motion...but whether it's culinary classes or internships, i haven't been able to make myself actually take a step in any direction.
as a concluding note to a rather depressing post, i would like to state that i am not miserable. i am bored, frustrated, anxious and afraid, but i'm not dragging myself in agony through every day. if i were, maybe i would actually be motivated to do something about it.
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3 comments:
hmmm... i see you're stuck in the general malaise zone. i have found myself in a similar position from time to time. i say the first step to doing something is to go do nothing in a new place. if you're just gonna sit around and read or surf the net. print out some articles or take a book to the park or marina green. everynow and then you can just look up and people watch, see something funny. sometimes just seeing people that are doing various things can be helpful. in other news i have to place to live in SF yet. hurray! i'm gonna be homeless in law school
Miss Val,
The nice thing about blogs are the overarching conversations people have on the same topic. They might not even know each other, but everyone's struggling with the same topic, right? Well, here, read my boy Mike's blog: mikelwin.blogspot.com. Different perspective, same topic, always a good read. ;) - Caroline
You have to express more your opinion to attract more readers, because just a video or plain text without any personal approach is not that valuable. But it is just form my point of view
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